Hey y'all! Long time no blog! So much has happened since my last post and I can't wait to fill you in! I started a new job in September and it has been a big reason as to why TCB has had a bit of a lull. I was getting acclimated and learning how to best take care of our new puppy, Wrigley!
We picked him up the second weekend of September and let's just say training a puppy in a world of concrete is a bit of a challenge! But, we are now in a groove and the blog is back! I took a poll on Instagram Stories about what you all wanted to see and a life update / wedding update was the winner! I asked you all to send in questions about what you want to know about the wedding and pre-wedding process and I had so many of you reach out, so thank you!
Given the number of people that reached out I thought I would make this a series on the blog and just add updates as things happen! So, welcome to The Wedding Edit! This series will explore questions other brides-to-be have asked, general information about what I'm planning and how I'm working through all that is wedding! So let's get straight into it! I want to preface this post that every bride and wedding is different and I in no way want to make it seem that my way of planning and doing things is the way to do it. As I am sharing my experience, I would love to hear about yours and any advice you would like to share as well!
When do you start planning?
This is a question I asked myself a thousand times so I'm not surprised that y'all asked too! To be honest, the initial planning bug wore off pretty fast and I haven't been soooo into it since we got engaged. Granted, our wedding will be in September of 2019 so we have plenty of time to figure it out. While I love planning and am so excited for our wedding, it is a lot to handle! For brides that are on a tighter schedule than we are, I think it really depends on what else you have going on. I initially wanted to ask all my bridesmaids, book the venue and church and plan the entire menu upfront, but as most things go, life happens.
We started just having a few conversations a week about what we wanted and it snowballed from there. I already knew the color scheme I wanted, the type of venue and overall feel of the wedding, so the details really fell into place from there. My biggest piece of advice at this point is to get on the same page as your partner and make sure you talk about what is important to you. Some things that were important to me, Kollin didn't mind and things that I didn't find important, Kollin was adamant about. If you and your partner are on the same page, it becomes pretty easy!
How did you make your list?
This is the best way I can bundle a lot of questions about lists so I'll answer a few here! Kollin and I had actually made a list as a funny activity one day prior to getting engaged. We initially thought we'd invite everyone we know, the more the merrier and so on. As we wrote the list, we kept finding ourselves have the feeling of, "well, if I invite this person, then this person has to come."
That's when we stopped and came up with our rules. I think rules and boundaries are so important when planning something like this because it keeps people accountable! One of our rules is that we are not inviting people out of guilt or because of someone else. For example, if we are inviting someone because we feel they might feel bad about not being there because someone else is, then we probably wouldn't have invited them initially. We believe that everyone at our wedding should be people who've not only supported us through our relationship, but are also still a part of our lives today. People change, relationships change and it is ok to not invite your best friend from third grade! Lauren Conrad had a great rule - if they hadn't had a meal with you in the last year then she cut her list.
This is also how we cut down our list. When we initially made it, it was about a year before we got engaged. Now, we aren't as close with people or this person isn't dating this person anymore... etc.
Then there's the parents and grandparents scenario. A good friend of mine is paying for her wedding herself and felt bad telling her parents and grandparents no when they wanted to invite all of their friends. The additions to the list were large and she asked for advice. I simply told her it's about the budget and nothing personal. Just like you have a budget, it's ok to give other people a budget too. If it is going to cost $100 a person, as an example, tell your parents/grandparents/in-laws how many people they can invite based on that budget. Or if their distant third cousin needs to be there, discuss ways that they can help accommodate that person being in attendance. It's all about communication!
Are you using a wedding planner or planning everything yourself?
We are not using a wedding planner, but we will have a day-of coordinator. Rather than having someone there for the full wedding planning process, we really just want someone to handle everything the day of wedding so we don't have to worry about it! I would love to have a wedding planner, but in today's market they are super expensive for our budget. It is also super helpful that Kollin wants to be involved in the process!
My best advice for someone who is not going to have a wedding planner, is surround yourself with people who can help make decisions with you, give you feedback and make calls and appointments for you. My mom and Kollin's mom have been a great help in this department! Another solution if you aren't looking to hire someone day of is to designate a friend of the family who will be attending the wedding to see over the day-of details. This takes the stress off you and puts the decision making and crisis mode on someone that knows you and your partner!
How do you deal with the stress of planning things?
This is a big one! I'm a natural worrier and like to have everything planned well in advance. So, when it comes to throwing the party of your life in celebration of marrying your soul mate, the pressure is real. Personally, I deal with stress by remembering why we're getting married. It's not the flowers, the dress, the menu or the gifts for the bridesmaids. It's about you and your partner and your promise to love and cherish each other for the rest of your lives. As cheesy as it sounds, it has really helped me put things into perspective.
My other saving grace is a wedding planner, as in a physical calendar and Google Sheets. Having things written down and broken down by category has been super helpful for me. Utilizing cloud-based documents is also an easy way to share information with those helping you plan! Having those people plan with you takes away a lot of the stress and anxiety of getting it all done yourself.
What can you do to please your bridesmaids?
When it comes to bridesmaids it can be difficult to please everyone, especially if you have a large bridal party. Ours is pretty small and while it's less opinions and people to make happy, I still want everything involved with our big day to be special to them too! I think it's important to remember to ask yourself how would you want to be treated if you were the bridesmaid and not the bride? Giving as much information as soon as possible and allowing the girls to give input are good starting points. I've had friends who have experienced being in a wedding and everything was dictated to them rather than asked of them. It's important to remember that this day is special to them, just as it is to you. They want to be comfortable, valued and heard. Also, think about the other events that are involved with them being in the bridal party. It's not just the big day! There's showers, parties, brunches, bachelorette party and travel. It takes a lot to be a bridesmaid - so show them your appreciation of their time, money spent on your big day and support they're showing you by standing by your side!
As this post is becoming too long, I'll stop here! I'll be posting to the wedding edit every few weeks with new questions or updates! Please comment below or send me a message on Instagram / Facebook if you'd like me to answer anything specific! Happy planning to all my brides-to-be out there! xx