A Letter to Chicago, Part Two

We left off as Kollin and I drove back into the city from O’Hare Airport after being away for 3 months. Normally, the drive from the airport to our condo can take 45 minutes to an hour - we made it back in 20 minutes with hardly any cars on the road. As we drove through the city it was as if it was 4 AM and no one had woken up yet. The streets were empty, there were no sounds of cars, honking taxis, or crowds of tourists waiting to cross the street. It was eerie and unsettling.

As we pulled into the garage of our condo building we saw a familiar face for the first time in months, our valet. Donned in masks and gloves we each gave a wave and asked how things were. He thought we had moved out since we hadn’t been around and informed us that over 10 people had already left the building since March. Thankfully, to his knowledge, no one in the building had contracted the virus, but everything was locked down and people confined to their units.

Only two people were allowed in the elevator at a time (only if they lived in the same household) and you had to wear a mask everywhere - the hallways, elevators, mailroom, lobby, etc. This was a big adjustment because in Florida we wore them only while “out” like the grocery store, gas station, etc. Walking around the backyard or house wasn’t a thing anymore. Everywhere in Chicago is “out” even it means directly out your condo door.

While we were definitely weirded out, tired and sad, we were relieved to be home and back in our place with our things and our routine. We’d come accustomed to working from home but were not ready for the lack of space and two full-time jobs in a small condo, not being able to leave for 2 weeks while we quarantined. With no designated office space, no desk, and nowhere to take Zoom calls other than the kitchen table things got interesting. Thank goodness for grocery delivery and the ability to close a door if we needed some alone time.

Our first night back in the city we started hearing cheering and banging outside our windows at 8 PM. We’d seen this on the news, but where we were in Florida was nowhere near a city so we hadn’t experienced it. Our building was about a block from a hospital so we could see the frontline workers changing shifts and waving to those cheering from their windows. It was truly heartwarming. This continued for a couple of weeks, but the cheering continued to fade and then eventually stopped as news of opening the city ramped back up.

As the weeks went on we started to realize how scared we felt in the city. Normally, everywhere you turn there are people and things happening. No matter what you want to do you run into people. It was pretty exhausting being so conscious of social distancing, what we were touching, where we had been, running errands, and honestly just living with the virus. We didn’t see any friends or family in Chicago for weeks and kept feeling the need to be close to family for a period of time. We made the decision to go to Louisville and be with Kollin’s family since we hadn’t seen them in about 5-6 months and had been with my family in Florida. We quarantined for two weeks, set a date, and then drove the 5 hours to Louisville.

We did this routine for a few weeks where we’d stay in Louisville a week or two, go back to the city, quarantine, go back to Louisville, and so on. People starting joking that we had moved back home and spent more time in Louisville than Chicago - the sad part? We had. Up until then - it was July - we had only spent about 3 months of the year in the city. We started talking about if it was time for a change. With Covid happening and the instability of the job market, we tabled the conversation. With no decisions made and a sibling’s weekend on the horizon the following week we didn’t think about it too much. We met up with Kollin’s two brothers and their significant others for a quick day trip to Taylorsville lake at the end of July - our first real outing since our Florida trip back in March. The day was awesome and so much fun - we desperately needed some relaxation. But, the day ended with scary news of Kollin’s grandmother and a bad fall. I can now thankfully say that she is ok, but the event really put a lot into perspective for us. We spent the rest of the summer between my grandparent’s house in Chicago’s suburbs, the condo, and Louisville. We quickly realized our priorities had shifted. We needed to be closer to family.

Every time we went back to the city we started to dread it. Not knowing what was going to happen or what the city would be like was hard to process. Restaurants we loved closed down for good, shops and stores were boarded up from protests and police presence was as high as ever. The city would go in and out of lockdown phases and we knew the colder months would bring another surge. We supported our local spots with takeout orders and tried date nights in the car after picking something up. We spent a lot of time outside and even drove outside the city to National Parks to escape and have a bit of normalcy - Kollin convinced me to hike 6 miles in August heat so you know I was wishing for anything at this point LOL. Our coworkers, family friends, and other people in our family started to test positive. Thankfully, Kollin and I have not tested positive or had any symptoms, but this virus was getting closer to home, all while our home wasn’t feeling like home to us.

Kollin and I always knew that Chicago wasn’t our “forever” home - at least living in the actual city wasn’t. We had talked about maybe moving to the suburbs or somewhere a bit further out once we wanted kids, which wouldn’t be for a while. I thought we would spend at least a few more years there. Covid and everything that was happening were pushing this timeline faster. We started talking seriously about what was next for us and it just so happened that both of our employers had decided that through 2021 the companies would be working from home. We knew we wanted to be back in the south, but hadn’t fully landed on a spot. Nashville was always on our minds, but we hadn’t visited as a couple. We decided that on our next Louisville trip we would go to Nashville and start looking for houses.

During that same conversation, we started talking about all we had missed out on this year in the city. We’d made plans for concerts, new restaurants, street festivals, and museum exhibits. We had become Chicago Art Institute members at the end of 2019 and had looked up the entire year’s exhibits and lectures - all postponed or canceled. We had made plans with friends for their weddings, engagements, and arrivals of babies. We dreamed of rooftop bar openings and Cubs games. Everything we loved about this city was dwindling. Rather than looking at the city and feeling the hope, excitement, and unexplainable energy it normally carries, we saw pain, a deeper lack of equality, despair, and true devastation. Our city was hurting and it wasn’t going to recover anytime soon. Jobs were lost, neighborhoods weren’t thriving and kids couldn’t go to school or have a safe place away from home if they needed one. The city was becoming angry with its leaders and the climate of our country contributed to everyone’s anger. But, some good news came as numbers in the city started to decrease and Chicago eventually opened back up. We booked our trip to Nashville.

Labor Day weekend we traveled to Nashville and tried to celebrate our first wedding anniversary on September 7th. We had researched neighborhoods, found a builder we liked, and even started a restaurant list of places to try. Our first trip was great all things considered and we left feeling like we wanted to call Nashville home maybe in the next year or so. We continued our schedule of spending time with our quarantine bubble of people in Louisville and Chicago suburbs and planning our next step. We had decided that we would make the move if we could find a builder we liked and start the process of building a home from Chicago while the pandemic continued to be fought. On our next trip, we met with the builder, started budgeting, and thought ok we’re ready for this. That same week, Chicago announced it was returning to Phase 3 lockdown because numbers were spiking again and they were even higher than the Spring. The market and cost to build skyrocketed, materials and supplies were out of budget now and we didn’t know what was next for us. We put Nashville on hold.

The next part was a lucky break because we wanted to see if moving with our current jobs was an option. Should we have built the house we had 6-7 months to find something and then transition, but with this timeline unknown, we needed to adjust our plan. Turns out, both employers were cool with us moving… OMG, we got so excited! Long conversation short - we decided we would try an apartment for a while to make sure the location was what we wanted and then build since we didn’t need to wait to move now. We booked another trip to Nashville in October and started apartment hunting.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and nothing had changed in Chicago - if anything it had gotten worse. We found a few different apartments we wanted to check out in Nashville and made the trip down there. Every single place we went to was not a match. It was the last day of our quick trip and we hadn’t found anything. We almost started to think this wasn’t the right move and we would just stay in Chicago a while longer. Rather than stress and look at more places we just decided to enjoy breakfast and walk around historic Franklin. Kollin had never been and I couldn’t wait to show him how quaint it is. We pulled into the town square and I could tell he loved it. Within four minutes he turned to me and said, “Did you find any apartments here?”

I told him one, but it was a bit further out from downtown Nashville and didn’t think we’d want to be that far. In comparison to Chicago distance, it was like being in the suburbs. He said let’s give it a shot and just show up. So, we did, we loved it and they had one unit left in our budget. Oh, and it was available now… needless to say, we took it. It was the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done, but that was it - we were moving! Naturally, I second-guessed it the entire way home and thought what the heck are we doing, but Kollin being Kollin knew it would all work out. Now, we just had to decide when to move. Surely, it wouldn’t be until the New Year and we’d have some time to get everything organized. We wanted to enjoy the city as much as we could before leaving.

We got back to the city and planned on getting take out from some of our favorite places and after quarantine, an Art Institute visit to see the new Monet exhibit. We indulged in several Loyalist burgers, Thai food, and all of our other favorites. Once the two weeks had passed from us traveling we booked a Saturday early morning spot at the Art Institute to see the exhibit (it was awesome! and the scheduling was actually great because there were hardly any people in the museum and it felt very private and safe). As we left and went to lunch at a restaurant (inside! omg) for the first time in the city since we’d been back we felt a little sad because we were getting a small taste of what we loved about Chicago again. The culture, the food, the just warm enough day to have a lighter coat and not be a marshmallow. We FaceTimed my best friend as she was in the hospital after giving birth to her sweet first baby girl the night before and laughed about life. Things felt good.

Four days later Chicago announced it would go back into phase 4 of lockdown. This meant all restaurants and bars were closed, only essential businesses were open and it felt like we were back at the beginning of quarantine. We felt thankful we had experienced a day of fun, but things quickly got put back into perspective. We looked at the calendar of when to move and thought ok before Christmas might make sense. But, we were planning on spending Christmas here anyway so do we wait? Long story short, the move got scheduled for the week before Thanksgiving due to scheduling issues, holidays, our lease in Tennessee, and logistics. We had six days to pack and be ready to go. Queue anxiety.

We thought we’d have more time, this was too rushed and we wouldn’t get a proper goodbye. We wouldn’t be Chicagoans anymore after wanting to be one for so long. We didn’t know when we would sit in Wrigley Field again, enjoy cocktails at our neighborhood bar or hang out with friends in Lincoln Park. I wish there was a happy ending to this, but sometimes there just isn’t. We didn’t get to say goodbye or see you later, the way we wanted. We didn’t get to see all of the friends we’d made in the city, or celebrate the end of the virus and watch Chicago come back to life. We didn’t get to spend more time in our little condo appreciating it the way we should have. We didn’t get to have dinner with our family before we left and the list goes on. Our exit from Chicago looked so different than what we wanted, but we also know that so many other people in the world had real problems, real heartbreak, and devastation. I don’t want to diminish that at all. We are so lucky we even had the option to leave and do something new, to call somewhere else home. We are so grateful.

I think that is what this entire experience, year, and the pandemic have taught me - gratitude. We experience five years in what was the city we dreamed of living in. We met so many friends, made unforgettable memories, and are so fortunate to have called Chicago home. Rather than be sad about what we missed out on or how it turned out, we are so grateful we get to visit and experience those things again one day because we know Chicago will recover, the world will recover and people will remember this year. I know we will watch the Cubs play again in Wrigley Field, the museums and parks will be filled again, the beaches will be covered in sunbathers and boats and life will go on. It will look different and be hard for a while longer, but we will always have those 5 years.

So, Chicago, thank you for the lessons, the laughter, and the friendships. Thank you for three years of law school, an engagement of my dreams, bringing our family closer to us, those perfect summer days, and the best restaurants. Thank you for educating us on different cultures, humbling us, and making us appreciate what we have. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to work and give back to our communities, to meet people who would change our lives for the better, and for the numerous parking tickets. Thank you for being our first home together and for the memories. Chicago will always be a piece of us, a gem in the story of our life, and a place worth celebrating.