Hey, y’all! Today’s post is definitely more personal than the usual fashion edit, but it’s been on my mind for a while to share what I’ve been working through.

During a weekend away with my mom for Mother’s Day, I was chatting with my mom about how anxiety has been impacting me lately and she asked me, “when did this start?” I couldn’t really nail down an exact timeframe, but I shared with her when I had my first anxiety attack - albeit, I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. It was back in college and while I’m going to keep the particular time and details private, it got me thinking that this is something I’ve been dealing with longer than I thought.

Like many others, the pandemic and quarantine exacerbated my anxiety and I was dealing with my emotions more frequently than I ever had before. But, it wasn’t until the fall of 2021 that I had another one since that first back in college and it actually became a more frequent thing. In the last 6 months, I have experienced 4 anxiety attacks (as someone who had ever only had 1 in my 28 years of life up until this point, it felt like a lot) and knew I really needed to deal with what was happening. But, the first thing was to find out what was causing them.

I looked at each attack and really tried to nail down what was happening and the emotions I was feeling during them to see if it would help determine any triggers or environments that were contributing. Here’s what I found:

My anxiety Triggers:

• Feelings of lack of control or too many variables around me is a big catalyst

• Alcohol enhances the likelihood of having one/severity for me

• High stress or feelings of being too overwhelmed

• Negative thinking and spiraling thoughts

• Personal life stressors and circumstances

• Being out of my routine for too long

One or most of the above list was present for me during the attacks, the main one being lack of control. In every experience, it started by feeling like I wasn’t in control, couldn’t do/change things, or I was ignoring my emotions to “get through it” and then it bubbled over. Sometimes my anxiety will just linger throughout the day and not always be an attack. Other times, like the CMT Awards, it bubbled over and I found myself having a full-blown attack at the show. That particular night really helped me understand a lot about how to combat my anxiety and some tips and tricks I’ve learned that have helped me.

So, I think part of that night’s issue was that I was building it up and had pretty high expectations of the experience. I’m an enneagram 2, control freak, and very much want everyone around me to be happy and having fun - people pleaser has entered the chat. This was one of the biggest events I had ever been invited to as a blogger and you could say I felt the pressure to get great content, please the brand and also make sure my guests were having fun. This was all, of course, self-induced pressure and did not come from the brand or my friends that I brought along, but my anxiety was mounting throughout the day.

It started off a great day as two of my best friends came to Nashville to join me. We got ready together and we were so excited since we were about to be in the same room as Carrie Underwood! We jump in our Uber, head to the show, and halfway there it starts POURING rain. Our driver tries to get us close to the door, but we inevitably get soaked. The venue and where we were meeting the brand were about 3 blocks apart so we ended up having to walk in the rain, in heels and dresses - thankfully, they gave us ponchos which helped a little.

We get inside the venue and have to wait in line for security. There was a mix-up with our wristbands and for a moment, they wouldn’t let us inside. After figuring that out we find out we are in a standing section and don’t have seats for the night. I wasn’t expecting them, but one of the girls with us was pregnant and I was spiraling thinking she would be so uncomfortable all night. I calm down a bit and start taking photos, hanging out until the show starts and things seem to be fine. The next thing I know, the show starts, Keith Urban is literally 2 feet away from me, and I’m surrounded by a room full of country stars. I was feeling a lot better with all the distraction.

The night goes on and well into hour 4, I start getting uncomfortable. My feet hurt, I’m tired of standing and since it’s a live show, there are a lot of moving parts, commercial breaks, crowds of people, and audience queues - aka, things out of my control. I start getting some negative thoughts about how if maybe I’m ready to leave my friends are too and they don’t want to be there, I wanted to go to the bathroom but had no idea where it was and didn’t feel like I could leave my spot until the commercial break. I also was pretty dehydrated and worried about 2 more hours of standing in a crowd. I tried some breathing exercises and the 3-3-3 rule (more on that below).

I’ll cut to the chase on this already long-winded post: I was standing in the crowd waiting for Maren Morris to come on (my absolute favorite) and got an overwhelming feeling of “I have to get out of here”. I started to get hot, nauseated, and tunnel vision set in. I told my friends I needed a break and went to go find the bathroom. Halfway out of the crowd I felt like I was going to pass out and asked a security guard to take me to the bathroom since I didn’t know where to go. After some embarrassing moments taking my sweet time walking up multiple ramps in heels and dizziness, I made it to the bathroom and got sick.

I got a text from my friends asking if I was ok and to hurry back because Maren would be on soon. I knew I needed to hang out in this stall a while longer and remembered sending “can’t. puking.” back to them lol. Then, I could hear Maren Morris singing and I took a drink of the water I luckily brought with me. I texted another friend that I was having an attack. We’ve chatted before about them and she also deals with anxiety so I knew she would be helpful.

She immediately asked how I was feeling and then ended up changing the subject to take my mind off things. We chatted for a few min and then the friends I was with texted me asking if I needed anything. I realized the worst of it had passed, got myself together again, and went back downstairs to the show. The security guard who escorted me was waiting outside the bathroom to make sure I was ok. He was so nice and walked me back downstairs. We talked about his grandkids and I could feel the anxiety melting away. I got back to my friends and they were so kind about it. I ended up telling them about the attack - I had only ever told my husband and the other friend at that point - and they were so supportive. They asked if I wanted to leave, but I decided we could stay. After a couple more performances, they admitted they weren’t feeling the best either (it had been a really long day) and we decided to head out.

We got back home and just talked about the show, shared videos, and chatted about life. I called Kollin (who was out of town) and told him what happened. It felt really good to just be open about it. So, I decided to write down what caused me to get those feelings (above list) and what made me feel better or mitigated the anxiety.

Things that bring me peace of mind:

• Other people knowing what I was feeling helped them help me. You can’t get help unless you ask for it and I had to get comfortable talking about what made me uncomfortable to protect my mental state. Now, my husband or friends can understand what might be triggering for me or just check-in to make sure I’m all good.

• 3-3-3 rule: Look around you and name three things you see. Then, name three sounds you hear. Finally, move three parts of your body — your ankle, fingers, or arm

• Watch a comforting show or movie

• Inner self-talk: I learned this on the TSC Podcast with Ethan Kross and found it really helpful. Essentially you internally talk to yourself in pep-talk form as you would someone else. But use your name and don’t say it out loud

• Listen to music or a podcast

• Change your environment - spatial relation to the anxiety is so real and taking a step out of that physical space can change your mindset and help calm you

• Go into nature - sit in the sunlight, listen to the birds, look at the sky, put your feet in the grass

• Take CBD

• Journal or write a gratitude list

• Pray or meditate

• Read a book

• Stick to your routine as much as you can. Lack of control is a trigger for me so when I know I’m in my routine and things are going to plan it helps. Another tip from friends has been to make a mundane to-do list. Easily accomplished items that are completely in your control and you do every day like brush your teeth, drink water, and get dressed. It might seem silly, but that literal boost of serotonin helps when you check it off and feel accomplished in something.

HELPFUL TOOLS TO COMBAT ANXIETY:

Y’all may know that I’ve been really focused on becoming a morning person this year and a big part of that was developing a morning routine. You can read the specifics here, but a few months ago added CBD back into my daily routine and have found it really helpful in keeping me calm, grounded, and less reactive to my anxiety. I started taking Equilibria CBD every day as a more preventative way to combat anxiety, stress, and overwhelming feelings. It has really helped me understand the calibration of my emotions and notice the feelings of the beginnings of anxiety and stress. I take the daily gummies in the morning every day and also love their daily drops if I need a little more calm throughout a stressful day. You can learn more about CBD and Equilibria here.

TCB readers can use my code AMANDANAVA for 15% off their order if you’re wanting to try it yourself! I’m linking other tools I use below in my morning routine and throughout the day to help combat any anxiety I’m feeling like a cozy sweatshirt, refreshing ice roller, my favorite blanket, and journal.

If you’re still here, thank you. I know that was a lot and this isn’t my usual topic or something that is relevant for everyone, but my hope is that if it is relevant for you, you found it helpful and grabbed some takeaways. I hope this post also showed you that life can look really different than what we see on Instagram or written on a blog. I wanted to be authentic with y’all and reiterate the message that we’re all human. We all deal with tough things and struggle with issues many others do too. Having now experienced anxiety myself, I know how helpful it is to talk about it. If you need someone to talk to please send me a DM on Instagram or email me. I’d love to help however I can and would also love to hear from you if you have any helpful tips for readers too! Thank you again so much for reading!

I partner with Equilibria and could receive a small commission from any purchases made through links in this post. As always, all opinions are my own.